Tag: #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

Twinkle, twinkle little mindful star.

Twinkle, twinkle little mindful star.

I  am pretty sure we have all done this – taken a moment to look up to the sky on a clear night and look at the stars. Did you know that this activity is a great tool for practicing mindlfulness? It is also a great tool to settle your mind when you may be overly stressed.

I haven’t been out side much since my recent surgery. It’s wintertime so I don’t miss it a lot, but when I do go outside I realize how awesome the fresh air can be.; it smells so good and the sun on my skin is like a tonic.  Last night I was off to the store when I just decided to sit in my swing outside and enjoy the sky. I couldn’t believe how many stars I could see. Thousands and thousands as far as the eye could see. There was a very small moon which made the stars pop out even more.  I am very fortunate to live in a part of the country where I see stars – a LOT of them!!  Even when my daughter visits from a nearby city she comments about the sky at night. Beautiful is an understatement.

As I sat on the swing, I started to NOTICE. First thing I realized is how cold it was. Not like it has been in the east this winter, but cold enough for me to be a tad bit uncomfortable, yet still enjoyed the feeling on my face of brisk air with a slight breeze. I noticed the sky, boy did I notice the sky. The vastness made me feel so little, contemplating one star realizing that it was a sun so incredibly far away. I searched out a few constellations that I recognize, but don’t quite know by name (except for the big dipper, of course), and I mused about whether there was anyone looking down on me. I sometimes hunt down satellites that I see buzzing across the sky, but not this time… I was getting a bit to chilly.

The big dipper

While I only sat outside for a few minutes, it was a fantastic practice in mindfulness. It is wild how I can feel my mind calm, how my body relaxes and for that moment, I am beyond content.

Do you practice mindfulness or are you new to learning about it? It is not as hard as  you may think. It doesn’t have to be about meditation, it is basically a sense of “being in the moment.”  On the next clear night, go outside and look up. Find a star or a design of stars that you enjoy looking at and think of nothing else beyond those stars, beyond that beautiful sky. The fact that you are going outside will readjust your brain to a better place, and then take a moment with the stars. Try not to force anything in your mind. Just BE.

In the moment

Let me know if you practice mindfulness. Share your thoughts with me, I would love it!

Jenny

 

Borderline, the Chameleon, and Perception

Borderline, the Chameleon, and Perception

Borderline Personality Disorder is a condition which affects approximately 1.6% all the way up to 5.9% of the population (see NAMI). A person with BPD is characterized by  difficulties regulating emotion. This means that people who experience BPD feel emotions intensely and for extended periods of time, and it is harder for them to return to a stable baseline after an emotionally triggering event.

This difficulty can lead to impulsivity, poor self-image, stormy relationships and intense emotional responses to stressors. Struggling with self-regulation can also result in dangerous behaviors such as self-harm (e.g. cutting). (see NAMI)

BPD is very difficult to treat, let alone live with. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder over 10 years ago (I am now 51), though I know that many of the traits were brewing in the background before I had a terrible turn of life with my mental health in my late 30s, early 40s. I am happy to say that with a lot of hard work and therapy I now am managing my BPD (along with bipolar). For those of you still struggling, know that there is help and there is hope.

For today, I want to write about the Chameleon Effect , BPD and my perception of life at the moment.

Mirroring, or the Chameleon Effect is a challenging aspect of BPD and you may not really be aware it is happening. Your changing colors to adapt to the situation or person may feel natural, but indeed, trying to learn to have your OWN place in YOUR world is so important to positive mental health.  In an excellent article by Sarah Myles, she describes this phenomenon:

04

One of the biggest and most challenging aspects of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is often ‘The Chameleon Effect’ – or ‘mirroring’. This is the constant, unconscious change in the person’s ‘self’, as they struggle to fit in with their environment, or the people around them. It is, essentially, a fluctuating identity. It is the manifestation of a basic inability or difficulty in establishing a stable sense of self.

The presence of The Chameleon is often one of the main obstacles to effective initial treatment and diagnosis of BPD, as it affects the interaction between patient and doctor, and can mask the disorder itself. It also effects and masks the way in which BPD intersects with other disorders that may have developed in connection with it – creating a complex web of behaviours that can be hard to untangle. The irony is that, without diagnosis and treatment, most are unaware of The Chameleon, and it is only through awareness that The Chameleon can be managed.

Have I lived as a chameleon in my life? You bet you!!!  I remember having a good coworker and friend when I was young that before I knew it I wanted to dress similar to her and like similar things; I had a boy friend that smoked, and lived a life I many not typically want to live, when sure enough I picked up his lifestyle; I had a husband that I began to mirror more and more in my life including feelings about where we lived, things we did, thoughts on people and their outlooks that was somewhat degrading; I have been friends with a man for almost 8 years (previously romantic, now just friends) who absolutely cannot stand this area, and so lo an behold my view of where I live got worse and worse. These are just a few examples of the mirroring that I know have happened with me….my list could go on and on.

Is this anyone’s fault? Of course not!! And someone with BPD doesn’t just mirror negative, or positive, sometimes mirroring can have a positive effect.  What’s going on within us can’t be helped, until we learn to NOTICE! I actually didn’t even understand this symptom fully until the past couple of years. Looking back I saw how my chameleon was ever-present.

Now, I am single woman, my kids are either grown or pretty self-sufficient so I am having more and more time to BE. I went for a drive today with my son (I’m not totally independent yet due to my surgeries so I do need my awesome chauffeur). I was telling my son how much I really do

03
My son…he is not a fan of pictures!

enjoy where we live. He was a bit confused since he says I have always hated it…but no…I don’t hate it. There is a beauty to where I live, the people I run into are kind, I am so close to the mountains that I hope to be able to walk the trails again. For this moment, my 3 kids live in the same town as I do, and my oldest daughter lives in a larger city less than an hour away that is up and coming, bustling with new life and I would even like to move there at some point.  So yes, I am finding my own perceptions of my life, where I live and what I do – for me.  I know that chameleon is always around and may come for a visit. And like I said, is it a bad visit? Not necessarily as long as we can NOTICE what we are feeling and if wer are content with our likes and dislikes…for the moment.

 

 

02                01.JPG

Jenny

Rapid Cycling: doesn’t get you in shape!!

Rapid Cycling: doesn’t get you in shape!!

Have you heard of rapid cycling ? I would like to say when Ihear that term that I think of  people in their “spinning classes” or the lovely lady on the new commercial that rides her indoor bike right at home (Peloton, isn’t it?). Unfortunately for those of us who live with mental illness, Bipolar in particular, rapid cycling is a demon that lays low in our brain until is sneaks out to say a not so pleasant “hello.”

FY13XMRX6I.jpg

I thought I would share with you a portion of an article from the DBSAlliance. This organization is quite renowned in the research of Depression and Bipolar. Their articles are interesting and easy to read and you will be able to empower yourself with knowledge which is so important in managing your illness.

Click on this link for the complete article:

What is rapid cycling?

Rapid cycling is defined as four or more manic, hypomanic, or depressive episodes in any 12-month period. With rapid cycling, mood swings can quickly go from low to high and back again, and occur over periods of a few days and sometimes even hours. The person feels like he or she is on a roller coaster, with mood and energy changes that are out-of control and disabling. In some individuals, rapid cycling is characterized by severe irritability, anger, impulsivity, and uncontrollable outbursts. While the term “rapid cycling” may make it sound as if the episodes occur in regular cycles, episodes actually often follow a random pattern. Some patients with rapid cycling appear to experience true manic, mild manic, or depressive episodes that last only for a day. If there are four mood episodes within a month, it is called ultra-rapid cycling, and when several mood switches occur within a day, on several days during one week, it is called ultra-ultra-rapid, or ultradian cycling. Typically, however, someone who experiences such short mood swings has longer episodes as well. Some individuals experience rapid cycling at the beginning of their illness, but for the majority, rapid cycling begins gradually. Most individuals with bipolar disorder, in fact, experience shorter and more frequent episodes over time if their illness is not adequately treated. For most people, rapid cycling is a temporary occurrence. They may experience rapid cycling for a time, then return to a pattern of longer, less frequent episodes, or, in the best case, return to a stabilized mood with the help of treatment. A small number of individuals continue in a rapid cycling pattern indefinitely.

Yes, I can relate!!!

In the early years of my illness, I learned that I suffered from ultradian cycling. If I ever look back at my mood charts I used to keep I could see how erratic my moods were in any given day, even any given hour. My brain was sooooooo incredibly all over the place and I wished I could shake myself out of it (there were times I would literally hit my head with my hand trying to “come to”).  The more I learned about rapid cycling, the less severe my episodes were. I know medication and therapy helped as well.

bipolar-10-rapid-cycling-healthyplace.jpeg

So why am I writing about this today? Well, I realize that I think I may be going through a dose of rapid cycling….not the fast highs and lows as before, but definitely something is up. For one, I can’t focus on ANYTHING!!!! I have started puzzles and stitchery and books and tv shows and on and on…. I am happy one morning when I wake up and just pissed off by night-time. I just can’t…I don’t know….stay level!  Can anyone feel this way? Of course!! It’s not something that only people with bipolar have, it is just much more pronounced and common with this mental illness. Also, I know that part of my up and down has to do with my physical heath and lack of mobility. I am not living my life as I normally do which can definitely make things a bit wonky. I can just “feel that feel” like the old days but you know what????

WB54HC9ST3.jpg

I NOTICED IT!!! As soon as I realized what has been going on in my mind besides my physical health, I started to feel a little better. Does the rapid cycling immediately stop? Of course not, but I can work towards feeling better. I have to remember that this cycle WILL go away. I always think of how ocean waves hit the beach and then retreat, that my moods and cycles are similar. I have to be gentle with myself – that’s a tough one for me. I need to continue taking my medication as prescribed. I also know that if I feel I need to, I will visit or call my therapist.  I will be ok, I know I will…this is is mild if I think back to past years . I am thankful that I am so much healthier now.

Do you suffer from rapid cycling?  How do you work through these spells? I would love to know your ideas

Jenny

Do you hear what I hear??

Do you hear what I hear??

So I am sitting here at my computer (well a laptop that my work brought me), and realized that it doesn’t have MS Office on it. I started the download and oh my goodness I saw that this was going to take a long time!!!

Rather then jumping up and doing chores around the house (well, let’s be honest I can’t even jump or do much right now, but I did take down my Christmas decor), I decided to do an exercise in mindfulness. I used my sense of hearing and decided to work towards blocking out everything else except what I could hear. I did have to pause a couple of times to write out what I was hearing so I could share it with you, but as the time passed I focused more and more on my practice in mindfulness.

mindfulness-meditation-722x406.jpg

I took time to NOTICE:

1. Little bubbles popping in soda can like little tiny fairies dancing inside.

2. The long sigh of my dog, as if he finally fell deep into sleep.

3. A car driving by – a bit too fast – more annoying than reminding me of anything special.

4. The tap tap on my keyboard as I write this so I don’t forget when I share you. For some reason I enjoy the sounds of a “clicky” keyboard; especially when I am typing with very quickly.

5.The computer makes a soft whirring sound, keeping technology doing what it’s supposed to do.

6. A small creak in the house followed by another and then another….it sounds like the house is trying to rest and cannot get comfortable. I know how that feels.

I come back later to write this and I realized as I engaged in this lesson my breathing became deeper and slower; my busy brain slowed down to just the task at hand….it was quite wonderful the calm I felt:

7.The crack of my shoulder – nothing painful, just a shoulder reminding me that yes, I am 51 years old.

8. A dog barking way off in the distance; I wonder what he is hearing?

9. A jetliner overhead – funny how loud it sounds when one is being mindful of only sounds.

peaceful-leaf-500x

As I opened my eyes and began to bring the rest of my senses back to my Self, I noticed again, that I felt calmer and with introspection.  I looked at the computer and saw that my program was still installing, so here I am , writing my experience to share with you. I hope you all can take a time to practice Being within one sense (sight, hearing taste, touch, smell). Try to let that one sense be in charge and let the others slip away, if only for a moment. Notice how you feel. You may be surprised at the calming effect this practice can be.

Share with your mindfulness skill or questions. Let’s practice and share our ideas.

Jenny

BEWARE! Blogging and Self Esteem

BEWARE! Blogging and Self Esteem

Hello lovely readers! So I had great intentions when I started writing this blog page. I wanted to offer my knowledge and support and maybe make a buck or two along the way. Granted, I have only been writing for a short time, but those of us with self-esteem issues and if your are just starting to create your blog page:

BEWARE!!!

Writing is a great outlet for me and I believe it can be for anyone. I used to write emails to my therapist; long drawn out details of my life and where I was at and what was going on. We had an agreement that he would not answer my email, but he would read them and we could discuss them at any appointment. Some people might find that cold of him, but I believe it was how he needed to set his boundaries and I have always respected that. Even in the latest hours of the night and darkest moments of my writing, I knew he would read my words, digest them and be prepared to talk about them. And that was enough for me.

Blogging is similar in the fact that I think someone is “out there” reading my words and taking something away from them. The problem is those damn analytical stats that are available to you 24/7. Do you know what I am talking about? No matter what platform you use for blogging (WordPress, which I use, Blogger, Reddit, etc), they all have a page where you can review your readership numbers. Which blogs have been read, how many people have visited your site, on and on. If you are a data person, it’s quite interesting. If you struggle with self-worth or positive self-esteem, this page can be a bit harrowing to look at.

Here is a look at a portion of my current analytics page:

analytics 1.jpg

Have you ever been on a diet and you start obsessing about the scale? You check the scale at least once a day, if not more. It can be depressing to watch the scale go up and you are sooooo happy when it goes down. And when it goes up you beat yourself up because of that last bowl of ice cream you ate or some yummy donut. It can be an emotional rollercoaster. For some of us at least.

I have noticed a similar feeling with watching the analytics page on my blog. I feel great when I see more readers and feel rather a failure when there is hardly anyone looking at the page. I decide that I want to give up and figure nobody wants to hear what I have to say. It is a vicious game being played in my brain. I know I just need to “STOP” and look at the reasons why I am really writing this blog and determine if it’s ok that my readership is small. Am I enjoying the process of writing, creating, finding photos to post and more? The answer is yes! I do enjoy this whole blogging process. It gives me  a focus and gives me pleasure. I just have to throw away that damn “scale!”

scale

So if you are new to blogging or have been around for while, try not to look at the analytics page. At least not so often. Those of us struggling with self esteem or mental illness need whatever help we can give ourselves to stay on track.

So WRITE, CREATE, ENJOY what you are doing. Ultimately, it’s for your own benefit and feel good about what you are doing. At least for this moment.

Jenny

Goals, Non-Goals…it’s all good!!

Goals, Non-Goals…it’s all good!!

I am again taking a bit of a change from the 30 day challenge, especially since it is New Year’s eve. This time of year always seems to be about organization and goal planning and getting rid of the old and bringing in the new. I remember as a teenager making lists on my goals for the upcoming year only to realize that I never stuck to them. So I stopped doing that. I realized that the way my brain and life work are not as structured as sticking to lists. I would rather have general ideas for goals and not let myself down if I don’t achieve them.

Picture2.jpg

On this New Year’s Eve I am thinking about the future and how things may evolve over time. Since I am laid up and not able to do much of anything physical, my mind has time to mull things over. That can be a positive, but also has it’s negatives. So here are some of my thoughts as I ponder life in the next year:

  1. I am happy with where my mental health is at. I don’t always have good days (who doesn’t have a bad day at times!), but overall I am at a place that I am managing my mental illnesses (Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder) very successfully. I even consider the fact that I don’t fall into the criteria for BPD like I used to. I take a combination of medications that works right for me and I use the tools I have learned over the years to manage my stress better, my self-injury urges and overall daily living. HOORAY!!!!!
  2. My physical health is still uncertain. My hip replacement gone wrong is starting to heal after the second surgery. I would love to say my goal is to hike and bike and walk and walk some more, but honestly I am not convinced yet. My physical therapist is being positive but even she is unsure how my healing will go because I had such an unusual situation. So, for now I will continue my exercises, push myself a little more when I feel up to it and hope that the coming year gives me healing and comfort from this pain.
  3. I would like to make some kind of goals for my future. Hahaha, I know I just said I didn’t make goals, but I don’t know, I am trying to figure out SOMETHING!  I am 51 years old and don’t really have a direction in life. I have a decent job. My youngest child is almost 17 so he won’t me home for many more years, I love being a grandma but I also know my kids have their own lives and I am not part of that on a daily basis. I am single which may play a bigger role than I realize in my feeling a bit lost in my future mind. I don’t know, I guess I don’t know what I am supposed to Do or Be at this juncture in life and moving forward. Do you have a way to goal set for a 50+ single woman? Would love your comments and ideas.
  4. Writing this blog is making me happy. I know I have only been writing for a few weeks, but I really do enjoy it. I am hoping as I move forward with it I can write about mental health and offer ideas and thoughts and insight into my own struggles and achievements with mental illness. I know it helps reading or hearing about someone who has “lived it.” I would like to give back because others have helped me so much over the years.

Other than what I have mentioned I don’t have any big goals or dreams for the year. Yes, a clean closet and a garage sale and general organization in the house would be great, but I am not holding myself accountable if that doesn’t get done.

Picture3

Tell me about your plans for 2018, or your non-plans!!! To all of my readers I wish you a happy and healthy 2018. I know there will be tough times during the year, but  I encourage you to seek out people who you enjoy, silence and Peace that is essential and to be gentle with yourself.

Jenny

It’s Opposite Day!!!

It’s Opposite Day!!!

If any of you have lived through the era of Spongebob Squarepants you may remember “Opposite Day.” Spongebob and Patrick get into all kinds of shenanigans with saying and doing everything opposite than normal. It’s rather funny, I know that I  have heard the episode multiple times because my 4 kids were definitely Spongebob fans.

I am making today’s challenge opposite of what it “should” be. The challenge question asked for me to write today are what are my worst habits. Oh goodness, really? Do I really want to sit here and write about a bunch of negative things? Or at least what I assume are negative about me? No thank you!!  For those of us who live with mental illness we know how hard it can be to have positive self esteem. My life took a real downturn many years ago around the time of my divorce and my self esteem hit rock bottom. Probably somewhere under that rock is where my self esteem actually was hiding. My mental illnesses intensified which led to self-injury, horrible self-worth and more. It has taken me years and years to build my self esteem back up. Even today I have hard time believing that I am “good enough,” or else sometimes a circumstance arises where I fall right back under that rock. Luckily I have learned to climb out, but it’s not always easy.

So, in honor of Opposite Day, I will say a few positive things about myself.

1.I think I always will say that I have been a good mom. Not the best, but who really is?   I love being a mom, with all of its ups and downs and in-betweens. Even during my darkest days I held on to the fact that I loved my kids more than anything and did the best I could at being a single loving mother. The 4 of them are my first joys and always will be.

2, So I think I am a good listener. Lol sometimes that can be hard because you get with a person who LOVES to talk about themselves and never shuts up!! Hahaha, but over all, yes I like to listen and offer caring support to others when I can.

3. I am dedicated to my job. Most of the time. I work for a non-profit which means I am helping others and that is good. It is a very stressful job which can be disadvantageous to my brain health. But I know I work hard and do the best I can. As I am in a long-term recovery at home right now, it is hard to think about work, but I will get back to it in time.

best-ways-on-how-to-improve-self-esteem

Oh gosh, my mind just went blank!! Seriously blank!  I guess I have put myself on the spot and my mind starts reverting to negative perceptions of myself instead of positive. This damn Opposite Day isn’t working! I should really try harder to come up with things, but I think it better if I stop because my brain is feeling a bit overwhelmed and bad habit thoughts are creeping in.

Do you ever try coming up with positives to boost your self-esteem? Do you try daily affirmations or some other trick to feel good about YOU. I would love to hear your ideas.

Jenny

It’s ok, take a peek!!

It’s ok, take a peek!!

Day 8 – hooray I have made it a over a week and I am quite enjoying writing these blogs. When I saw my therapist on Thursday he commented that writing is always a positive activity for me. I don’t always write about cheerful things, but the process of sitting down and getting my thoughts on “paper” is good for me. So for today we are taking a look into my purse. At first I thought it kind a silly challenge questions, but the more I work on this, the more I am enjoying the process.

Yes I have always used a purse. Even when I was in college with a backpack I would have a small purse stuffed inside. Having mobility issues over the past few years has changed my purse style. I love having a pretty bag slung over my shoulder  (and also necessary when carrying my kids when they were little.) Due to having to use a cane it makes the whole sling over look harder. Who would have thought?! Something that I can hold on to the straps and not worry about them sliding all over is a necessity.  I also don’t spend a lot of money on my handbag. Thrift stores have some great finds or I check out Target or Walmart or sometimes Burlington Coat Factory if I feel like splurging. I also use one bag at a time. I know some women change out purses to go with their outfits but I just stick with the one.

purse again

Here is my current purse. I have not had it for too long so I still really like it.  It has lots of nice pockets and not too big as to lose everything in the bottom. I tend to keep my purse fairly tidy, so really what I am showing you is about what I found when I started (except a few gum wrappers!) The green ribbon on the front is to support mental illness. I went to a state NAMI conference and they gave us these pins. It really does mean a lot to me.

When I cam to figuring out how to show you the contents of my purse I really had fun with this. I thought of doing a small video, but decided this was more in my comfort zone.

purse pic

I’ll give you a little tour of what’s here and why:

  1. My eyeglasses case and reading glasses. My son laughs because I have so many dollar store glasses around the house, but in my purse I have just the one pair. Usually.
  2. This is my holder for my business cards. In this day and age of the internet and email and social media, we don’t hand out cards too often, but I have a few and this little container is so pretty. I think I got it on Amazon.
  3. These are the two kinds of pills I usually keep with me. Ibuprofen I have on hand for aches and pains and the prescription is for lorazepam. I feel so good that I rarely have to take the lorazepam anymore. During my really hard years of my mental illnesses I had sooooo much anxiety that having these anti-anxiety meds were very important. I still keep them in my purse because every now and again I find myself in a situation where my anxiety level starts to skyrocket and I know that it is aok to have this medication handy.
  4. Ahhhh my favorite gum!!!! Wrigley’s 5 gum in peppermint is the best gum ever!!! Well at least in my opinion. It lasts longer than any other gum and the flavor is awesome!
  5. Just a couple of pens, nothing special. But why is it when I really need a pen I can’t find one in my purse?!
  6. This is my little elephant. I am surprised I have never named him because he has sure been a lifesaver. I think I bought him about 10 years ago and he is a great little critter to hold onto when I am stressed and having anxiety. I can pull him out in a meeting or classroom or any time I am anxious and I can smush him all around in my hands going rather unnoticed.  I really should name him. Any thoughts?
  7. I like to have a little hand cream in my purse. This Neutrogena is good if you have parched hands. It is a little to thick for my liking but the size is perfect. I’ll have to find something new when this one runs out.
  8. My wallet – I LOVE my wallet!! I bought it at the same time as my purse (at Walmart). It has all of the perfect slots and pockets needed for all my cards and bills. It’s funny how incredibly particular I am about my wallet.
  9. Keys – work, house, car, mailbox. They are easy to find with that blue and white key ring and its pretty as well.
  10. These are a selection of lipsticks and a mascara that I have in my purse right now:
    1. Arbonne Orchid
    2. Avon ‘Totally Twig’
    3. Maybelline Super Stay matte ink ‘Dreamer’
    4. Ulta Auto Lip Liner ‘Spice’
    5. Avon ‘Toasted Rose’
    6. Revlon ‘HD Desert’
    7. Avon True Color Wide Awake Mascara
    8. The little round container is an olive oil lip balm from Davis Farmers Market   Davis is where I grew up so I always have a special fondness when I use this creamy balm.
  11. Coins – yes not that exciting except when you have A LOT of them! I never put my coins in the coin section of my wallet. I let them drop to the bottom of my purse. When I clean things out I add those coins to a jar and watch the money grow.
  12. My sunglasses. I can’t go without them but just as with my readers and my purse and wallet, I don’t spend a lot of money on my sunglasses. I swear when I have spent a little more than normal, I lose them! Ugh!! So I stay with the cheapies.

Well there you have it – the contents of my purse. Like I said I really did enjoy this exercise and I hope you enjoyed taking a peek and maybe getting some ideas for your purse organization.

Jenny

Pet Peeves…..UGH!!!!

Pet Peeves…..UGH!!!!

Oh my goodness, pet peeves!!!  I think some days my irritations are much more than others. I don’t know if that is because of the weather, my sleep the night before, my illness. I would say all of those combined.  Anyway, pet peeves truly are annoyingly frustrating!!

Are you sound sensitive? If you are you know exactly where I am coming from. There are sounds during the day that drive me cuckoo!  At work if someone is quietly tapping their foot it aggravates the hell out of me. If a clock is ticking I want to take the batteries out. Commotion noise is awful as well. Hahahaha just thinking about it is not a good thing!!

Tick-Tock-spillwords

There is another noise out in this world that is awful. I won’t describe it but suffice it to say I get immediate flashbacks to my abuse as young girl. 40 years later I cannot “undo” this sound-memory from my life. It is actually a PTSD type reaction. Anger and sickness is what I usually feel from this. Maybe someday I will be able trash this sound as a pet peeve.

Ok chalk – yes CHALK. I CAN’T HANDLE IT!!  How it looks, how it sounds, its smell, on and on and on!  I really don’t know how I got this weirdness about chalk but it sure is strong. Even thinking about I get the shivers!!!! Let’s not think about it.

Did you know there are lists for pet peeves?  Huffington Post has a list of 76!! I decided not to look at it because I didn’t want to add to my own personal list!!

I’m sure I have more pet peeves, but I don’t really want to think about them. This is part of managing my mental health that I need aware of: understand that I have pet peeves and irritations, but not necessarily get wrapped up in how they affect me.

Share with me some of your irritations – if you dare!!!

Jenny

The perfect gift – an Amazon gift card (this website is an Amazon Affiliate 🙂 )

Morning Thoughts

Morning Thoughts

Good Morning!  Don’t worry, I have not given up on the 30 day challenge. Day 7 is posting later today. I guess I just wanted to share with you my quiet morning and how nice it is. I made my coffee and am perusing the internet to see what’s new. Since writing this blog is very new to me (and you), I am working at building a presence on various social media sites such as Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. I don’t exactly know if I am going about this correctly, but at least I am giving it a go. It seems so many people have blogs about successfully writing blogs and then they charge money for their program. I get that they are trying to make a buck like the rest of us, but I wish there was one tried and true way to be successful at this. Patience, I think is a key ingredient. And believing mySelf that I can make this a success. It can be very difficult to believe in ourselves, but again it’s a key ingredient to feeling successful.

17155990_1401052036628672_1208865155750677289_n

So I am off to see my therapist today. Gosh, it has been at least 6 weeks since I have seen him. I remember back in the years when my Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) were so severe that I was seeing him twice a week. I am thankful that I have been able to continue this therapeutic relationship with him over the years. I know it has been a huge factor in my healing. At this point I probably don’t really “need” to see him, but I just can’t totally let go, and nor do I have to, which is great. It’s nice to check in with him and talk about whatever, sometimes nothing stressful, just what comes to mind.  I have that security that he is available by phone if I need to talk (though anymore that rarely happens) and for our 6 week check-in. It’s a bit of comfort and reassurance that keeps me on track.

I best be getting ready. Ever since I had this hip surgery misadventure it takes me quite a long time to get ready. But I do take moments during the day to NOTICE that my physical body is starting to heal. Very slow, but very gradual.

How is your day?

Jenny