One of the hardest things to live with in life and even more so when we struggle with mental illness is the Moment….living with the Moment with the moment plain and simple sucks!! I try and be mindful of something within that moment, try to talk myself through that moment, or just try and let the waves of “yuck” go by. I am not having much luck right now.
I know some of you go through these exact same feelings. I wish you could help me right now!!
So what’s going on? Well, I have Restless Leg Syndrome. I get so frustrated when I hear people say , “Oh I do too, my leg shakes or sometimes it’s hard to sleep….” Well, I am sorry for you, but you know what? I have RLS Like almost nobody does. I have read medical journals only to find out that I have most severe form which affects, my toes my legs, my hips, my torso, my shoulders, my neck , my fingers. UGH!!!!! I have had this since I was a little girl and usually medication keeps it somewhat calm….except when it doesn’t. I can barely type right now because of the massive amount of discomfort…not too much pain…just this horrible uncontrollable need to stretch and move and stretch some more.
I’m sorry to complain…are we allowed to do that on blogs? I’m really not sure.
So along with the disgusting RLS tonight I am still dealing with this hip replacement recovery. I know I am doing better, but I am discouraged because I have a really painful muscle (piriformis) that is causing me to not be able to walk very well. I feel no better than before all of this surgery nightmare. I feel like I am going to have this damn cane forever and I just want to give up.
That’s where I think those of us with mental illness struggle soooo much harder to stay positive than other people with more a more typical response pattern. Everyone is trying to boost me up and I just don’t want to hear it. Is that rude? I hope not, but it is what IS in my mind. It’s easy to fall into a pit and I think that is what everyone is afraid of. I just need to understand where my mind is in regards to my healing for ME. I need to understand how important it is to continue doing the excercises and I need to maintain HOPE that I will continue to improve so I can walk again without a walker. I have to do this within ME. This is hard work as many of you know, but an important part of my healing to come from within rather than counting on what others may say. Accepting what is going on for our own selves in our own lives is critical.
How might you feel about what I have written? What kind of struggles have you had to deal with “in the moment” when the moment seems rather awful? Have you read about Dialectical Behavior Therapy? Today’s frustrations would an ideal practice under Radical Acceptance – and yes, my most challenging part of therapy. I would’nt even let my therapist use those words for years!!!! I would get so angry!! Haha, little by little he inched his way there so I so understand the theory or Radical Acceptance, even though often it still irritates me!! But a lot of DBT really IS about living in the moment. Maybe I will share with you more about the DBT therapy in a future blog.
Thanks for reading- it helped to get this awfulness out of mind and on to paper. I actually feel a bit calmer.
Take Care
Jenny
feature Photo by Mike Alonzo on Unsplash
black and white image Photo by Robert Collins on Unsplash
*hugs* I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I’ll keep you in my prayers! 🙂 I suffer from bipolar and from fibromyalgia so I know a little bit about how you are feeling.
Thanks…..those of us with chronic conditions can definitely understand when there are days like these!! Thanks for the comment. Take care 🙂
It is my opinion that it is your blog so complain away! lol and then wait for the comments. RLS is annoying and on top of a hip replacement?? You have reason to complain. Just know that the moment passes, let it go. Recovery from surgery can be long and extensive which is annoying in itself. Hang on for the moment not hang onto the moment. It bothers me when people think they know how to heal me, physically or mentally so i understand. Perhaps take a hot bath, stretch and focus on breathing. I will send positive vibes your way.
Thanks so much for all of your kind words!!! I know so well that the moment passes, but it is SOOOOOO hard to remember when you are “In IT” I will take some of your words and hang on to them. Thank you thank you!!!! 🙂
I feel your pain! Just remember to hang on for the moment to pass not hang onto the moment. It is brief, let it go. You have every reason to complain!! RLS is horrible. Perhaps a hot bath, focus on breathing and stretch. I can’t stand when people think they know what is best for me… I may not do as instructed but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I am doing. Sending positive vibes your way.
Thanks so much for the kind words. Here my page is my life in the moment and I am forgetting about that!!! Thanks so much for your comments 🙂
I didn’t mean to comment twice! Sorry 😉
No worries ..I enjoyed your words 😊
Life is made of moments, some of them are going to be hard, some will be downright impossible! I’m sorry to hear about your hip, my mother in law just had hers done, ouch! I hope recovery starts speeding up for you. I can only imagine how awful restless leg must be.
It’s your blog and venting is healthy so complain away! I think I mostly complain on mine these days 😉 the journaling helps me get through the hard moments.
Thank you sooooo very much for your kind words 😊