Tag: #therapist

Yo-yo, and it’s no game

Yo-yo, and it’s no game

Hello All!

I have been having trouble deciding on what to write today. It has been one of those weeks that I am up and down and the yo-yo is not a fun game. Have you ever tried to actually yo-yo? I just realized how easy it is for the yo-yo ball to go down and so much harder to bring it back up again. Interesting analogy about how our brains can work like that little game….easy to feel down and much harder to feel up. Anyway, I am having a tough time on a topic so I checked out a page that has ideas for blog prompts.  82 ideas that are quite interesting and adaptable to blogs.  I decided that writing about the 10 things I am grateful for this week would be a good idea. Sometimes writing those positives can help when a mood is a bit erratic or more on the downside.

So here we go – enjoy and I hope you can find your 10 grateful things for your week. Or if you are struggling, it’s ok if you can only find 1 or two…I’ve been there and its way too easy to be hard on ourselves if we are not feeling particularly grateful, so try to appreciate what comes to mind and maybe next week or next month your list will grow.


1.For this week and what comes to mind first and foremost is I am grateful for my therapist. I saw him yesterday and the feeling of immediate peace, confidentiality and comfort when I sit down in his office is sooo mind-settling. I have been seeing my therapist for about 8 years (hmm maybe longer, I don’t want to think about that right now). I have Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder and there were years when I was getting such intensive therapy and psychiatric help that I was seeing him twice a week and the doctor every other week. Someday I will write more about my time in therapy, but for today I will say that I am so grateful that I had an appointment with him  on Friday (it’s been about 5 weeks since we last met) and for having that place that I can share anything and everything that I want and need to.

2. So this morning I have been working on my budget. Recently my child support was cut in half because my 3rd child turned 18. I am figuring out how my youngest son and I will manage with the change in my bank account. I am trying to remain positive and for today I am grateful that I can sit here in my own home, food on the table, bills paid and even a nice front yard to spend time in. I know I will make the best path for my financial future that I can. It’s just finding that path that can be challenging at times.

3. I am forever grateful for my mom. We do not live close to each other, but we talk on the phone all the time and I just love our conversations and laughter. She has been so very supportive of me for my whole life, through thick and thin. I am 12,305% grateful for my relationship with her. I can’t imagine not having my mom in my life.


4.I am grateful for how flexible my supervisor has been with me during my time of physical healing. She is allowing me to telecommute as well as come into the office when I can. I know in this area that I live there are not many places that would be this accommodating.

5. My 18-year-old son just came in my room to talk. We have had a bit of a yo-yo relationship over the years, but I am so thankful that we still laugh and talk and enjoy a bit of time together. He is moving out of the house in less than two weeks. While I know it is time for him to move (for both of our sakes), I’ll still miss him. Gratefully we will be in the same town so it won’t be toooo hard for me to see him go.

6. This is going to sound ridiculous, but I am grateful for my tv and Dish network. I am a more introverted person and single to boot. It’s nice that I can come home and watch shows that keep me informed (Meet the Press), shows that make me laugh (Ellen), shows that are pure entertainment (Greys Anatomy) and local news to find out the weather!!!!  Silly, but I am grateful!!


7.I am grateful for my fairly stable mind and mental health. Even when I am having days or weeks such as these, I have learned how to monitor myself and not let that yo-yo hit the ground. My mental illness is still part of who I am. Each and every day it is in my mind, but definitely a bit further back than it used to be. I don’t fear every day that I will have a relapse in my health. So that is very good thing.

8.I don’t want to sound cliché, but I truly am grateful for all of my children, each and every day, each and every week. I mentioned my oldest son; My daughters are 24 and 20, my youngest son is 16. They make me smile, of course they can also make me cry. But without a doubt I am so blessed to have 4 such wonderful kids. They are becoming adults and our relationships are changing as they age into something new and wonderful.

9. Hmmmmm making a list like this can be challenging!!! Should I be grateful for this blog? Well of course!! It continues on and I am enjoying sharing parts of who I am with you and it is a healing experience as well.

Well, look here, I only came up with 9. And you know what? That is ok. I will be ok that this is my list for today, for this moment. I am trying to force myself to find #10 and with that comes frustration and a feeling of being angry at myself. Angry because I “should” easily have a list of ten, but I don’t. So rather than heading down that path, I will pull that string up and be ok. Be satisfied with my list and carry on with my day.  I hope you can be satisfied with your list as well.

Take Care


unsplash-logoGlenn Carstens-Peters

What’s in a word?

What’s in a word?

Do you have a WORD? I have a word. It’s a word that I can hang on to when times are troubling as well use when times are filled with optimism.

My word is HOPE – no, nothing earth shattering but it means something to me. Hope has carried me through a lot of very challenging years. I have quotes with the word around my desk at work, I have it hiding here and there around the house. I don’t have a tattoo of it…but yes, we will have a tattoo blog someday in the future.

I wish I could remember how I developed this into my “word.” It’s not a safe word for me (I don’t think I have one of those – maybe I should.) but I can feel calm when I can just BE with the word, not the randomness that people talk about hope.

Below are a few pictures of something very special I bought a few years ago. I was on my way to my therapist’s office and had arrived in town pretty early. I really didn’t know what to do with myself, but I did know that I had to pee!!! (After giving birth to four children that is a constant occurence). Anyway, the town where my therapist is at is pretty rural and there is not much to see or do so I ended up at a Pilot gas station/truck stop/gift shop and everything in between. After using the restroom I wandered around the little gift area and there it was….My HOPE!!  It’s a decor item made of glass and mirrors; the colors change depending on how the light is hitting it. Along the center, it reads, “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” Perfect!! I fell in love and it didn’t matter the cost. Being a truck stop I don’t think I paid more than $20 and the cashier wrapped it so carefully and bagged it up.

I arrived at my therapist’s office and decided to bring it in. I never do anything like that. He and I have talked and talked and talked about so much over the years, but I never bring anything to show him (well, wait there was a time I showed him some artwork I had created during a rather dark night). After we talked a bit I unwrapped my treasure to share. He knows how much the word Hope means to me and pleasantly admired my gift that I had bought for myself. We both did laugh at how I could find something so special in a rather “podunk” town.



I encourage you to find a word, or a phrase or a quote to OWN in your mind and in your heart. While I have lots of quotes that I find dear, for me, a word is easier to remember. I know I will be hanging on tight to my words as I work through these weeks of recovery and rehabilitation. I am not 100% certain that I will become pain free, but I do…Hope…

Share with me your word, if you would like.

Take Care


Morning Thoughts

Morning Thoughts

Good Morning!  Don’t worry, I have not given up on the 30 day challenge. Day 7 is posting later today. I guess I just wanted to share with you my quiet morning and how nice it is. I made my coffee and am perusing the internet to see what’s new. Since writing this blog is very new to me (and you), I am working at building a presence on various social media sites such as Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. I don’t exactly know if I am going about this correctly, but at least I am giving it a go. It seems so many people have blogs about successfully writing blogs and then they charge money for their program. I get that they are trying to make a buck like the rest of us, but I wish there was one tried and true way to be successful at this. Patience, I think is a key ingredient. And believing mySelf that I can make this a success. It can be very difficult to believe in ourselves, but again it’s a key ingredient to feeling successful.


So I am off to see my therapist today. Gosh, it has been at least 6 weeks since I have seen him. I remember back in the years when my Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) were so severe that I was seeing him twice a week. I am thankful that I have been able to continue this therapeutic relationship with him over the years. I know it has been a huge factor in my healing. At this point I probably don’t really “need” to see him, but I just can’t totally let go, and nor do I have to, which is great. It’s nice to check in with him and talk about whatever, sometimes nothing stressful, just what comes to mind.  I have that security that he is available by phone if I need to talk (though anymore that rarely happens) and for our 6 week check-in. It’s a bit of comfort and reassurance that keeps me on track.

I best be getting ready. Ever since I had this hip surgery misadventure it takes me quite a long time to get ready. But I do take moments during the day to NOTICE that my physical body is starting to heal. Very slow, but very gradual.

How is your day?