Tag: #medication

Ohhh these medications!!!!!

Ohhh these medications!!!!!

There are times in our lives when something that is good for us can piss us off. Well, I tend to go through periods of times when I am just angry that I have to take all of these pills. Can some of you relate with that? I suppose this feeling can happen to people with all kinds of ailments, but for me, it is because of mental illness that I take pills and there are days or weeks when it just irritates me that I have to take them.

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I have been taking medication for mental illness for over 25 years. In the beginning it was  “simple” antidepressant and anti anxiety meds. I didn’t like it then but I knew it helped. Just as I know what I take at this moment in my life helps now. But at times, I resent it…why do I have to take all of this to be “normal?” But I won’t quit taking them, I know better than that….I know that is not the path to take.

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If you have walked down a similar road as I have with Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder, you know that psychiatric med are almost a must. And it is hard to get the perfect pill or combination of pills to feel ok. Finding that combination can be challenging. Trying this med or that med, suffering the side effects, waiting the 6 weeks to see if it works, it is quite a journey, but eventually it does work. If you are newly diagnosed and reading this, please try  not to feel discouraged. Medication and mental health is a process and my advice is to have a physician that you trust and for you to RESEARCH the medications you are attempting so you can feel more empowered with knowledge of what is going into your body. You will figure it out, it just may take time.

So why am I resentful?  I guess it is just the feeling of being irritated that I am not normal without them. I hear the comment of “it’s like having diabetes – people need to take their medication to stay healthy just like you.” If you haven’t heard that comment before, you most likely will. Well, I don’t have diabetes! I don’t have other conditions that I have to take meds for and I AM thankful for that. But I think it’s because it’s my BRAIN and feeling like who I am is surrounded by a handful of pills everyday.

Does that make sense at all?

I suppose I am just wanting to get this off my chest for today, for this moment. I HIGHLY ENCOURAGE you to stay on the medications you are prescribed. I know I do even when I am feeling a bit perturbed by taking them. I know that stopping my meds could mean real disaster and most likely another trip to the psychiatric hospital. I don’t need that in my life. I am pleased to say that it has been at least 5 years since my last hospitalization. Hmmmmmm, I think these pills are doing the trick!!

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Do any you ever feel like I do? Does your frustration with your meds take front and center?  Again, if you are newly diagnosed PLEASE know that you will probably go through similar feelings about what you are taking, but also know HOW IMPORTANT it is for you, for your well-being to take the right medication for your medical condition.

I would love to hear your comments on this medication topic.

Take Care

Jenny

 

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The Long, Dark Hallway

The Long, Dark Hallway

Oh my goodness, we all have been there – INSOMNIA!!!!  We can’t seem to get to sleep and it can be so unsettling. And then when we do finally fall asleep our mind is still wandering in the darkness of our dreams.

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That was me last night. I Could Not fall asleep. While living and managing my Bipolar and BPD diagnoses, I have a combination of medications that works for me. Trust me, it was no easy task to get that combo figured out (that’s another blot topic!), but it does work for me. I can take my meds at around 9:00 pm and by 10:00 pm I am asleep for the night, usually in a dreamless slumber. Recently, due to a couple of surgeries I have not had a good night’s sleep in almost 6 weeks. Trying to get comfortable, taking pain medication, I just never can sleep very well. Last night was different.

I took my meds as usual. 10:00pm I was still laying there with my eyes wide open and not tired at all!!!! I decided to do what I they say is bad – I looked at my phone, checking out the news, Instagram, what have you. That only lasted a few minutes and again I tried to sleep. Sheesh, what was the problem?  My mind was wandering all over the place which didn’t help things. Around midnight I finally was asleep.

My story doesn’t end there.

I don’t dream very much anymore, due to the meds. Sometimes it makes me sad because dreams can be so interesting. But last night a dark dreary dream snuck through my mind. I wish I could remember what was going on (or more likely, I’m glad I Didn’t remember) I do recollect walking, or rather dragging myself down this dark hallway….on and on and on…and on. It was quite terrifying I believe. I couldn’t keep going, but I knew I had to. After what felt like forever, a door opened to a bright light. I was so thankful, and then I heard, “Mom, MOM!”  It was my oldest son, he was waking me up from this terrible dream and I was so grateful. He kept asking me, “are you ok?”  I muttered that I was ok and I was sorry. I was pulling my brain from that fog of dream and sleep and darkness. He said not to be sorry, he was just worried about me. How sweet kids can be…18 year old young man that he is now.

I’m sure you have been in a similar dream state. It Sucks!!! I didn’t want to go back to sleep and end up down that hallway again. But eventually I did, and slept the rest of the night.

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We all need sleep, that is true. But if you have a mental illness, sleep is CRITICAL. Especially when moods are all jacked up like mine have been recently. We need our sleep to keep those brain waves functioning properly and to give our body and mind rest. Again, sleep for those of us with a mental illness is a MUST!!!

How do you handle insomnia? Share with me your hints for a good night’s sleep

“Sleep is that golden chain that ties health and our bodies together.”  ~Thomas Dekker

Jenny