Oh my goodness, we all have been there – INSOMNIA!!!! We can’t seem to get to sleep and it can be so unsettling. And then when we do finally fall asleep our mind is still wandering in the darkness of our dreams.
That was me last night. I Could Not fall asleep. While living and managing my Bipolar and BPD diagnoses, I have a combination of medications that works for me. Trust me, it was no easy task to get that combo figured out (that’s another blot topic!), but it does work for me. I can take my meds at around 9:00 pm and by 10:00 pm I am asleep for the night, usually in a dreamless slumber. Recently, due to a couple of surgeries I have not had a good night’s sleep in almost 6 weeks. Trying to get comfortable, taking pain medication, I just never can sleep very well. Last night was different.
I took my meds as usual. 10:00pm I was still laying there with my eyes wide open and not tired at all!!!! I decided to do what I they say is bad – I looked at my phone, checking out the news, Instagram, what have you. That only lasted a few minutes and again I tried to sleep. Sheesh, what was the problem? My mind was wandering all over the place which didn’t help things. Around midnight I finally was asleep.
My story doesn’t end there.
I don’t dream very much anymore, due to the meds. Sometimes it makes me sad because dreams can be so interesting. But last night a dark dreary dream snuck through my mind. I wish I could remember what was going on (or more likely, I’m glad I Didn’t remember) I do recollect walking, or rather dragging myself down this dark hallway….on and on and on…and on. It was quite terrifying I believe. I couldn’t keep going, but I knew I had to. After what felt like forever, a door opened to a bright light. I was so thankful, and then I heard, “Mom, MOM!” It was my oldest son, he was waking me up from this terrible dream and I was so grateful. He kept asking me, “are you ok?” I muttered that I was ok and I was sorry. I was pulling my brain from that fog of dream and sleep and darkness. He said not to be sorry, he was just worried about me. How sweet kids can be…18 year old young man that he is now.
I’m sure you have been in a similar dream state. It Sucks!!! I didn’t want to go back to sleep and end up down that hallway again. But eventually I did, and slept the rest of the night.
We all need sleep, that is true. But if you have a mental illness, sleep is CRITICAL. Especially when moods are all jacked up like mine have been recently. We need our sleep to keep those brain waves functioning properly and to give our body and mind rest. Again, sleep for those of us with a mental illness is a MUST!!!
How do you handle insomnia? Share with me your hints for a good night’s sleep
“Sleep is that golden chain that ties health and our bodies together.” ~Thomas Dekker