Tag: Healing

What’s in a word?

Do you have a WORD? I have a word. It’s a word that I can hang on to when times are troubling as well use when times are filled with optimism.

My word is HOPE – no, nothing earth shattering but it means something to me. Hope has carried me through a lot of very challenging years. I have quotes with the word around my desk at work, I have it hiding here and there around the house. I don’t have a tattoo of it…but yes, we will have a tattoo blog someday in the future.

I wish I could remember how I developed this into my “word.” It’s not a safe word for me (I don’t think I have one of those – maybe I should.) but I can feel calm when I can just BE with the word, not the randomness that people talk about hope.

Below are a few pictures of something very special I bought a few years ago. I was on my way to my therapist’s office and had arrived in town pretty early. I really didn’t know what to do with myself, but I did know that I had to pee!!! (After giving birth to four children that is a constant occurence). Anyway, the town where my therapist is at is pretty rural and there is not much to see or do so I ended up at a Pilot gas station/truck stop/gift shop and everything in between. After using the restroom I wandered around the little gift area and there it was….My HOPE!! It’s a decor item made of glass and mirrors; the colors change depending on how the light is hitting it. Along the center, it reads, “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” Perfect!! I fell in love and it didn’t matter the cost. Being a truck stop I don’t think I paid more than $20 and the cashier wrapped it so carefully and bagged it up.

I arrived at my therapist’s office and decided to bring it in. I never do anything like that. He and I have talked and talked and talked about so much over the years, but I never bring anything to show him (well, wait there was a time I showed him some artwork I had created during a rather dark night). After we talked a bit I unwrapped my treasure to share. He knows how much the word Hope means to me and pleasantly admired my gift that I had bought for myself. We both did laugh at how I could find something so special in a rather “podunk” town.

I encourage you to find a word, or a phrase or a quote to OWN in your mind and in your heart. While I have lots of quotes that I find dear, for me, a word is easier to remember. I know I will be hanging on tight to my words as I work through these weeks of recovery and rehabilitation. I am not 100% certain that I will become pain free, but I do…Hope…

Share with me your word, if you would like.

Take Care

Jenny

Twinkle, twinkle little mindful star.

I am pretty sure we have all done this – taken a moment to look up to the sky on a clear night and look at the stars. Did you know that this activity is a great tool for practicing mindlfulness? It is also a great tool to settle your mind when you may be overly stressed.

I haven’t been out side much since my recent surgery. It’s wintertime so I don’t miss it a lot, but when I do go outside I realize how awesome the fresh air can be.; it smells so good and the sun on my skin is like a tonic. Last night I was off to the store when I just decided to sit in my swing outside and enjoy the sky. I couldn’t believe how many stars I could see. Thousands and thousands as far as the eye could see. There was a very small moon which made the stars pop out even more. I am very fortunate to live in a part of the country where I see stars – a LOT of them!! Even when my daughter visits from a nearby city she comments about the sky at night. Beautiful is an understatement.

As I sat on the swing, I started to NOTICE. First thing I realized is how cold it was. Not like it has been in the east this winter, but cold enough for me to be a tad bit uncomfortable, yet still enjoyed the feeling on my face of brisk air with a slight breeze. I noticed the sky, boy did I notice the sky. The vastness made me feel so little, contemplating one star realizing that it was a sun so incredibly far away. I searched out a few constellations that I recognize, but don’t quite know by name (except for the big dipper, of course), and I mused about whether there was anyone looking down on me. I sometimes hunt down satellites that I see buzzing across the sky, but not this time… I was getting a bit to chilly.

While I only sat outside for a few minutes, it was a fantastic practice in mindfulness. It is wild how I can feel my mind calm, how my body relaxes and for that moment, I am beyond content.

Do you practice mindfulness or are you new to learning about it? It is not as hard as you may think. It doesn’t have to be about meditation, it is basically a sense of “being in the moment.” On the next clear night, go outside and look up. Find a star or a design of stars that you enjoy looking at and think of nothing else beyond those stars, beyond that beautiful sky. The fact that you are going outside will readjust your brain to a better place, and then take a moment with the stars. Try not to force anything in your mind. Just BE.

Let me know if you practice mindfulness. Share your thoughts with me, I would love it!

Jenny

Borderline, the Chameleon, and Perception

Borderline Personality Disorder is a condition which affects approximately 1.6% all the way up to 5.9% of the population (see NAMI). A person with BPD is characterized by difficulties regulating emotion. This means that people who experience BPD feel emotions intensely and for extended periods of time, and it is harder for them to return to a stable baseline after an emotionally triggering event.

This difficulty can lead to impulsivity, poor self-image, stormy relationships and intense emotional responses to stressors. Struggling with self-regulation can also result in dangerous behaviors such as self-harm (e.g. cutting). (see NAMI)

BPD is very difficult to treat, let alone live with. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder over 10 years ago (I am now 51), though I know that many of the traits were brewing in the background before I had a terrible turn of life with my mental health in my late 30s, early 40s. I am happy to say that with a lot of hard work and therapy I now am managing my BPD (along with bipolar). For those of you still struggling, know that there is help and there is hope.

For today, I want to write about the Chameleon Effect , BPD and my perception of life at the moment.

Mirroring, or the Chameleon Effect is a challenging aspect of BPD and you may not really be aware it is happening. Your changing colors to adapt to the situation or person may feel natural, but indeed, trying to learn to have your OWN place in YOUR world is so important to positive mental health. In an excellent article by Sarah Myles, she describes this phenomenon:

One of the biggest and most challenging aspects of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is often ‘The Chameleon Effect’ – or ‘mirroring’. This is the constant, unconscious change in the person’s ‘self’, as they struggle to fit in with their environment, or the people around them. It is, essentially, a fluctuating identity. It is the manifestation of a basic inability or difficulty in establishing a stable sense of self.

The presence of The Chameleon is often one of the main obstacles to effective initial treatment and diagnosis of BPD, as it affects the interaction between patient and doctor, and can mask the disorder itself. It also effects and masks the way in which BPD intersects with other disorders that may have developed in connection with it – creating a complex web of behaviours that can be hard to untangle. The irony is that, without diagnosis and treatment, most are unaware of The Chameleon, and it is only through awareness that The Chameleon can be managed.

Have I lived as a chameleon in my life? You bet you!!! I remember having a good coworker and friend when I was young that before I knew it I wanted to dress similar to her and like similar things; I had a boy friend that smoked, and lived a life I many not typically want to live, when sure enough I picked up his lifestyle; I had a husband that I began to mirror more and more in my life including feelings about where we lived, things we did, thoughts on people and their outlooks that was somewhat degrading; I have been friends with a man for almost 8 years (previously romantic, now just friends) who absolutely cannot stand this area, and so lo an behold my view of where I live got worse and worse. These are just a few examples of the mirroring that I know have happened with me….my list could go on and on.

Is this anyone’s fault? Of course not!! And someone with BPD doesn’t just mirror negative, or positive, sometimes mirroring can have a positive effect. What’s going on within us can’t be helped, until we learn to NOTICE! I actually didn’t even understand this symptom fully until the past couple of years. Looking back I saw how my chameleon was ever-present.

Now, I am single woman, my kids are either grown or pretty self-sufficient so I am having more and more time to BE. I went for a drive today with my son (I’m not totally independent yet due to my surgeries so I do need my awesome chauffeur). I was telling my son how much I really do

: My son…he is not a fan of pictures!

enjoy where we live. He was a bit confused since he says I have always hated it…but no…I don’t hate it. There is a beauty to where I live, the people I run into are kind, I am so close to the mountains that I hope to be able to walk the trails again. For this moment, my 3 kids live in the same town as I do, and my oldest daughter lives in a larger city less than an hour away that is up and coming, bustling with new life and I would even like to move there at some point. So yes, I am finding my own perceptions of my life, where I live and what I do – for me. I know that chameleon is always around and may come for a visit. And like I said, is it a bad visit? Not necessarily as long as we can NOTICE what we are feeling and if wer are content with our likes and dislikes…for the moment.

Jenny

Rapid Cycling: doesn’t get you in shape!!

Have you heard of rapid cycling ? I would like to say when Ihear that term that I think of people in their “spinning classes” or the lovely lady on the new commercial that rides her indoor bike right at home (Peloton, isn’t it?). Unfortunately for those of us who live with mental illness, Bipolar in particular, rapid cycling is a demon that lays low in our brain until is sneaks out to say a not so pleasant “hello.”

I thought I would share with you a portion of an article from the DBSAlliance. This organization is quite renowned in the research of Depression and Bipolar. Their articles are interesting and easy to read and you will be able to empower yourself with knowledge which is so important in managing your illness.

Click on this link for the complete article:

What is rapid cycling?

Rapid cycling is defined as four or more manic, hypomanic, or depressive episodes in any 12-month period. With rapid cycling, mood swings can quickly go from low to high and back again, and occur over periods of a few days and sometimes even hours. The person feels like he or she is on a roller coaster, with mood and energy changes that are out-of control and disabling. In some individuals, rapid cycling is characterized by severe irritability, anger, impulsivity, and uncontrollable outbursts. While the term “rapid cycling” may make it sound as if the episodes occur in regular cycles, episodes actually often follow a random pattern. Some patients with rapid cycling appear to experience true manic, mild manic, or depressive episodes that last only for a day. If there are four mood episodes within a month, it is called ultra-rapid cycling, and when several mood switches occur within a day, on several days during one week, it is called ultra-ultra-rapid, or ultradian cycling. Typically, however, someone who experiences such short mood swings has longer episodes as well. Some individuals experience rapid cycling at the beginning of their illness, but for the majority, rapid cycling begins gradually. Most individuals with bipolar disorder, in fact, experience shorter and more frequent episodes over time if their illness is not adequately treated. For most people, rapid cycling is a temporary occurrence. They may experience rapid cycling for a time, then return to a pattern of longer, less frequent episodes, or, in the best case, return to a stabilized mood with the help of treatment. A small number of individuals continue in a rapid cycling pattern indefinitely.

Yes, I can relate!!!

In the early years of my illness, I learned that I suffered from ultradian cycling. If I ever look back at my mood charts I used to keep I could see how erratic my moods were in any given day, even any given hour. My brain was sooooooo incredibly all over the place and I wished I could shake myself out of it (there were times I would literally hit my head with my hand trying to “come to”). The more I learned about rapid cycling, the less severe my episodes were. I know medication and therapy helped as well.

So why am I writing about this today? Well, I realize that I think I may be going through a dose of rapid cycling….not the fast highs and lows as before, but definitely something is up. For one, I can’t focus on ANYTHING!!!! I have started puzzles and stitchery and books and tv shows and on and on…. I am happy one morning when I wake up and just pissed off by night-time. I just can’t…I don’t know….stay level! Can anyone feel this way? Of course!! It’s not something that only people with bipolar have, it is just much more pronounced and common with this mental illness. Also, I know that part of my up and down has to do with my physical heath and lack of mobility. I am not living my life as I normally do which can definitely make things a bit wonky. I can just “feel that feel” like the old days but you know what????

I NOTICED IT!!! As soon as I realized what has been going on in my mind besides my physical health, I started to feel a little better. Does the rapid cycling immediately stop? Of course not, but I can work towards feeling better. I have to remember that this cycle WILL go away. I always think of how ocean waves hit the beach and then retreat, that my moods and cycles are similar. I have to be gentle with myself – that’s a tough one for me. I need to continue taking my medication as prescribed. I also know that if I feel I need to, I will visit or call my therapist. I will be ok, I know I will…this is is mild if I think back to past years . I am thankful that I am so much healthier now.

Do you suffer from rapid cycling? How do you work through these spells? I would love to know your ideas

Jenny

Pet Peeves…..UGH!!!!

Oh my goodness, pet peeves!!! I think some days my irritations are much more than others. I don’t know if that is because of the weather, my sleep the night before, my illness. I would say all of those combined. Anyway, pet peeves truly are annoyingly frustrating!!

Are you sound sensitive? If you are you know exactly where I am coming from. There are sounds during the day that drive me cuckoo! At work if someone is quietly tapping their foot it aggravates the hell out of me. If a clock is ticking I want to take the batteries out. Commotion noise is awful as well. Hahahaha just thinking about it is not a good thing!!

There is another noise out in this world that is awful. I won’t describe it but suffice it to say I get immediate flashbacks to my abuse as young girl. 40 years later I cannot “undo” this sound-memory from my life. It is actually a PTSD type reaction. Anger and sickness is what I usually feel from this. Maybe someday I will be able trash this sound as a pet peeve.

Ok chalk – yes CHALK. I CAN’T HANDLE IT!! How it looks, how it sounds, its smell, on and on and on! I really don’t know how I got this weirdness about chalk but it sure is strong. Even thinking about I get the shivers!!!! Let’s not think about it.

Did you know there are lists for pet peeves? Huffington Post has a list of 76!! I decided not to look at it because I didn’t want to add to my own personal list!!

I’m sure I have more pet peeves, but I don’t really want to think about them. This is part of managing my mental health that I need aware of: understand that I have pet peeves and irritations, but not necessarily get wrapped up in how they affect me.

Share with me some of your irritations – if you dare!!!

Jenny

The perfect gift – an Amazon gift card (this website is an Amazon Affiliate 🙂 )

Morning Thoughts

Good Morning! Don’t worry, I have not given up on the 30 day challenge. Day 7 is posting later today. I guess I just wanted to share with you my quiet morning and how nice it is. I made my coffee and am perusing the internet to see what’s new. Since writing this blog is very new to me (and you), I am working at building a presence on various social media sites such as Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. I don’t exactly know if I am going about this correctly, but at least I am giving it a go. It seems so many people have blogs about successfully writing blogs and then they charge money for their program. I get that they are trying to make a buck like the rest of us, but I wish there was one tried and true way to be successful at this. Patience, I think is a key ingredient. And believing mySelf that I can make this a success. It can be very difficult to believe in ourselves, but again it’s a key ingredient to feeling successful.

So I am off to see my therapist today. Gosh, it has been at least 6 weeks since I have seen him. I remember back in the years when my Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) were so severe that I was seeing him twice a week. I am thankful that I have been able to continue this therapeutic relationship with him over the years. I know it has been a huge factor in my healing. At this point I probably don’t really “need” to see him, but I just can’t totally let go, and nor do I have to, which is great. It’s nice to check in with him and talk about whatever, sometimes nothing stressful, just what comes to mind. I have that security that he is available by phone if I need to talk (though anymore that rarely happens) and for our 6 week check-in. It’s a bit of comfort and reassurance that keeps me on track.

I best be getting ready. Ever since I had this hip surgery misadventure it takes me quite a long time to get ready. But I do take moments during the day to NOTICE that my physical body is starting to heal. Very slow, but very gradual.

How is your day?

Jenny

Let’s Make Sense of this Together

Today’s challenge is fantastic teaching tool to talk about mindfulness, or living in the moment. As I began my years of therapy for treatment and management of Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), I learned about mindfulness. I had heard the term before and thought it had only to do with meditation and never really gave it much thought. While mindfulness IS a tool in mediation, it is also a great tool to use when your mind is going all over the place, when you are stressed, when you are upset or when you just want to take a few minutes out of your day to “chill.” Have you ever heard of Dialectical Behavior Therapy? This is a tremendously helpful therapy for those who have BPD. Let me know if you would like some reference material or websites to learn more about it.

The challenge question today asks about my senses. I take that as examining each sense, in the moment and describe it. This is a mindfulness skill. My first time working with all my senses in a practice was when I was in the hospital many years ago for psychiatric reasons. The instructor gave us each an orange and we used all 5 of our senses to appreciate the orange. It’s amazing how your mind settles down and refocuses when you are in the moment and aware of each of your senses.

So this is a little different. I examind my 5 senses today and took each one and looked at it. For that moment.

Touch

This is my cat Molly. She is about 5 years old and so sweet. Except if the grandkids try to pet her!! I love when she sits on my bed and I can pet her. Her soft fluffy fur feels amazing. And the silly cat is so much friendlier when she is hungry so I had a great time petting her this morning. Now she has been fed and I cannot figure out where she is!!

Sight

I love candles, especially in the winter. The little flickering flame brings Peace to my mind so quickly. Today as I was looking at the flame, I had memories of camping and watching the campfire. And today those memories didn’t make me sad. For that, I am thankful. I think I would like flickering candles all over my room at night!

Sound

This was the hardest sense for me. I think becaue we are pounded with so many sounds every day and to try and take one sound and sort it out can be difficult. Here is a picture of my youngest grandson. His little face is so darn cute and looking ready for a cry. While I haven’t heard this sound today, I can totally hear it inmy mind. It’s the sound of a newborn crying. There is something about that sound that just melts my heart and wants me to hold that baby and comfort him. I realize that most of the time they want to eat so I cannot help, but that cry, even when I hear it in a grocery store, or out and about, just makes my mind focus on that little being. I forget anything and everything that may be bothering my mind and want to care for the infant. I think I would be a great “baby holder.” You know, one of those grandparent-ly types who just hold babies in hospitals. That would be heaven

Smell

This is a picture of the most amazing smell. I discovered this Aveda product years and years ago. It is an organic oil filled with lavender, rosemary, bergamot and other flowers. I don’t know how other people use it, but when I am having a hard time sleeping, I put 3 or 4 drops in my hand and inhale the smell and rub it on my face. I swear I can fall asleep so fast after that! Mmmmmmm definitely a mindful aroma.

Taste

Last but not least is taste. Coffee is the taste for the morning. Well, most every morning! I absulutely love my Keurig and I make one cup of coffee each day that tastes sooooooo good. A little bit of milk and a little bit of vanilla creamer and heat it up in microwave till it is hot hot hot. My kids think I burn my tastebuds off, but I do it that I can enjoy the tasty cup and keep it warm longer. Do I have a favorite kind of coffee? I think my recent favorite is Good Bean. They just recently started making pods and the coffee tastes rich and flavorful.

So there you have it, My five senses examined for today. For the moment. Try this exercise yourself. Escape for a time and take an item, such as an orange, and spend 10 going through each sense to be mindful of the experience. Or look for something in your day that uses a specific sense, and FEEL the moment.

Jenny

Check out these affiliate links below: Love them all!!

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Fear Grabs Ahold!

So today’s challenge is to write about my biggest fear. Interesting as I suppose many people have fears that make them stop and become almost immobile: mice (lol I saw one this morning!), spiders, heights, snakes, flying, public speaking, crowded spaces, enclosed spaces. I could go on and on. It’s rather sad that people have fears that they don’t know how to deal with.

When I read what the blog question for today had to do with fear I immediately knew what I would write about.

My biggest fear is that I turn into the person that I was before. Well, I have never been a horrid person, but my fear is that I go back to the days where my mental illnesses had taken control of my every breath. I fear that one day I will awaken and my life will have turned upside down in some way and my horrible depression, anxiety, self harm and uncertainty will take the place of how I am living today. I fear that I will have to be hospitalized again, that I won’t be able to make sense of my life again. I must say it can be a rather crippling fear.

But it doesn’t have to be.

I have been lucky enough to have found a therapist who I have been seeing for many years. He has been my rock when times were hard, he has been able to “bring me off the ledge” when I didn’t think I could. He has guided me through years of therapy and I can see the huge progress I have made in my mental health over these years. With my hard work and his teaching and encouragement, I continue to understand more and more about who I am and accept myself rather than bash myself. I will never forget what he said about fear (probably more than times than I remember!). “Fear can paralyze you or fear can motivate you.” And yes, he is right. In the darkest days and weeks and months I could have totally given up. I was so scared of what my brain was doing to me that I could have frozen in place..until the next dark episode. But I didn’t. I was motivated to get healthier and healthier. And I have succeeded.

So for this moment, my fear remains that my mental illness will grab on and have its way with me – take me back to those years of well, darkness and confusion. I will do my best to not let that happen. Every single day I work at positive mental health. Some days are easier than others.. I know how I DON’T want to feel. I know I believe that I will acknowledge my fear and continually work at ways to accept my feelings, but still be able to make positive steps in the right direction.

In the back of my mind I know that I may have dark or rough or challenging days, or weeks or months. But I have learned so much over the years that I also know I will make it through those times – easier than in the past.

Jenny

Life Always Offers You a Second Chance..

Day three offers me the chance to write about quotes. I love quotes. I really do. There are some that make me feel like I am understood, others that have made me feel less alone, and quotes that I love to share with others so they can take a peek into who I am. Yes, I am one of those people that have a “quote signature” with my email and it’s fun to change it up from time to time. Right now on my personal email the quote it:

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. -Buddha

And then for my work email, it reads:

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”– Anne Frank

I remember being a little girl and my parents had a giant book of “Bartlett’s Quotations.” I would have a little notebook and write down words that I thought were special or beautiful. I guess this quote love has always been a thing for me!

I do have a favorite quote. It has had a special meaning to me for so many years. I remember one night during my darkest days I came across it. The words were like a beacon of light, a spot of hope.

I must have been in the very perfect spot in my brain function to accept these words and grab on to them and hold them. Living through the tumultuous moods of Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder can be very challenging. But words can click. They can make you unclick as well and so understanding your inner self as you react to words is very important. It takes practice to understand your reactions, but if and when you can, and the words and feelings click. Hang on to that – if only for a moment.

I offer these words to all of us who are having a tough time. Holidays can sometimes make things harder for people. Be gentle with yourself. And if everything feels bleak, remember that you always have a new day to hang in there for.

Jenny

A wonderful resource for famous quotations – from Amazon

20 Things YOU May Not Know!!

Ok, I am on a roll, it’s Day 2!! This challenge question asks for 20 facts about me. I will try not to ramble (too much) and be interesting at the same time.

If you have read a little bit of my previous blogs you know I am a single woman, 51 years old and mom to 4 wonderful young adult children and 3 beautiful grandbabies. My role as a mother is one that I am most proud of.

I live with serious mental illness conditions (Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder). I do pat myself on the back with how far I have come in my management of Bipolar and my recovery journey of BPD (YES!!!! You CAN recover from BPD, it takes time but it’s possible. I don’t find that I fit in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual – DSM V criteria as strongly as I used to. Hooray!!!) Sometimes I think this blog may make its way to the niche of mental health, but I’m not sure.

I love my pets! I have a fat orange and white cat named Molly, a buff and white Cocker Spaniel named Toby and a Chocolate Lab mix named Cooper. They are awesome and are great therapy in my physical healing.

Speaking of physical healing I had a hip replacement 3 ½ weeks ago that was not successful (Check out my blog Hip Replacement Gone Wrong! for more details) I had a second surgery and now in the healing mode. Frustrated that I can’t do anything without my walker, but also, I am trying trying to be patient.

I love Winnie the Pooh!!! I mean I don’t have him plastered all over my house but he has a very special meaning to me. During my very rough mental health years, I remember a night when my youngest son, he was maybe 6 at the time, came into my room with his Pooh bear. He handed it to me and said, “Mama, I think you need him more than me right now.” So to this day, 10 years later I have that same Pooh sleeping with me. He has traveled to hospitals and also vacations with me. Unbeknownst to me, my oldest daughter made sure he was in my bag my for my first psychiatric hospitalization. I have never forgotten how much that meant to me. Yes, Winnie the Pooh is my buddy.

I have started countless craft projects over the years and never can find one that I stick to: quilting, scrapbooking, cardmaking, needlework on and on and on. I guess that’s why Michael’s Craft stores are so popular, I am not the only one!

My favorite season is fall. I am sure that’s a question later in the challenge of 30 questions, so I will leave it at that for now.

Chocolate or Vanilla? Hahaha I like vanilla ice cream soooooo much more than chocolate. But I like chocolate cake better than vanilla! Hmmm , funny!

I like to garden. You wouldn’t know it at all by looking at my yard of weeds, but I really do enjoy planting a few flowers here and there and some tomatoes in the summer. My physical limitations over the past few years has made it hard to keep up with gardening. I work for a non-profit organization that has a lovely garden center which I managed for 4 years. For now going and visiting all of the beauty in the nursery will have to suffice.

If I could be anywhere right at this very moment I would be on the Northern California coast. That is my “inner refuge” that I can picture when days are tougher than others. I can’t really visit very easily anymore, but it’s where I love and have spent many many days vacationing over my lifetime.

I love a good steak!! Sorry to my vegetarian and vegan readers!! If I think of a sumptuous meal, it is prime rib, baked potato, broccoli and garlic bread. Yum! Oh I forgot the glass of red wine!

I am ever so slightly addicted to the internet. Well maybe a bit more than ever so slightly! I love to learn, learn, learn and look at what’s going on or watch a vlog or scan my Facebook , Instagram, Twitter , and Pinterest pages. I guess that’s ok right now since I am kind of stuck unable to walk. But yes, I do spend a lot of time surfing.

Diet Coke with Lime is my life!!!! Lol my daughter just suggested that and yes I do love my ice cold can of DCWL!!! I used to drink like 4 or 5 a day but over the past year-ish I now only drink 1, sometimes 2. So that’s a bit healthier!

Without naming names, I am not too thrilled with the political landscape of our country right now. Enough said.

I went to college when I was 18 for a couple of years and never enjoyed it. I went back at 42 years old and completed an Associate’s Degree!! I am proud of that fact being a single mom of 4 and working and school was no easy task, but I did it!

I love jigsaw puzzles. I remember being a young girl and spending summer breaks working away on puzzles. I love them to this day. My daughter is soooooo good at them. I would go to sleep at night and wake up and she had almost finished what we started!! I think I am feeling well enough to work on one again.

I don’t think I snore!! I know, that’s a goofy one. But honestly, when you are single do you even know if you snore? I suppose it doesn’t really matter anyway.

Unfortunately, I am a part of the #MeToo movement. Without going into many details, I was sexually abused by a family member from ages 11-13. AS I have later learned about my Borderline Personality Diagnosis, there is a strong link to abuse as a child and the diagnosis. It’s sad, sometimes angering, but I am at a point in my life where I can be mindful about the past and not let it get to me. Most of the time. I think it is awesome that women (and men) who have been abused or harassed or assaulted can share their voice to the world.

I love beautiful things. I know that sounds silly because who doesn’t? I guess what it is for me, is I look at photographs or artwork or gardens and more, and the feeling of the beauty just soaks into my soul and makes me feel so good. Beautiful music does the same thing. It’s not just casual observance of these things, it’s how they physically, mentally and emotionally make me feel.

And last but not least, making this list was harder than I thought!! I hope you have enjoyed reading and I would love to know about your list. Send me a link to your blog!

Jenny

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