Tag: #frustration

Ohhh these medications!!!!!

Ohhh these medications!!!!!

There are times in our lives when something that is good for us can piss us off. Well, I tend to go through periods of times when I am just angry that I have to take all of these pills. Can some of you relate with that? I suppose this feeling can happen to people with all kinds of ailments, but for me, it is because of mental illness that I take pills and there are days or weeks when it just irritates me that I have to take them.

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I have been taking medication for mental illness for over 25 years. In the beginning it was  “simple” antidepressant and anti anxiety meds. I didn’t like it then but I knew it helped. Just as I know what I take at this moment in my life helps now. But at times, I resent it…why do I have to take all of this to be “normal?” But I won’t quit taking them, I know better than that….I know that is not the path to take.

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If you have walked down a similar road as I have with Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder, you know that psychiatric med are almost a must. And it is hard to get the perfect pill or combination of pills to feel ok. Finding that combination can be challenging. Trying this med or that med, suffering the side effects, waiting the 6 weeks to see if it works, it is quite a journey, but eventually it does work. If you are newly diagnosed and reading this, please try  not to feel discouraged. Medication and mental health is a process and my advice is to have a physician that you trust and for you to RESEARCH the medications you are attempting so you can feel more empowered with knowledge of what is going into your body. You will figure it out, it just may take time.

So why am I resentful?  I guess it is just the feeling of being irritated that I am not normal without them. I hear the comment of “it’s like having diabetes – people need to take their medication to stay healthy just like you.” If you haven’t heard that comment before, you most likely will. Well, I don’t have diabetes! I don’t have other conditions that I have to take meds for and I AM thankful for that. But I think it’s because it’s my BRAIN and feeling like who I am is surrounded by a handful of pills everyday.

Does that make sense at all?

I suppose I am just wanting to get this off my chest for today, for this moment. I HIGHLY ENCOURAGE you to stay on the medications you are prescribed. I know I do even when I am feeling a bit perturbed by taking them. I know that stopping my meds could mean real disaster and most likely another trip to the psychiatric hospital. I don’t need that in my life. I am pleased to say that it has been at least 5 years since my last hospitalization. Hmmmmmm, I think these pills are doing the trick!!

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Do any you ever feel like I do? Does your frustration with your meds take front and center?  Again, if you are newly diagnosed PLEASE know that you will probably go through similar feelings about what you are taking, but also know HOW IMPORTANT it is for you, for your well-being to take the right medication for your medical condition.

I would love to hear your comments on this medication topic.

Take Care

Jenny

 

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Rapid Cycling: doesn’t get you in shape!!

Rapid Cycling: doesn’t get you in shape!!

Have you heard of rapid cycling ? I would like to say when Ihear that term that I think of  people in their “spinning classes” or the lovely lady on the new commercial that rides her indoor bike right at home (Peloton, isn’t it?). Unfortunately for those of us who live with mental illness, Bipolar in particular, rapid cycling is a demon that lays low in our brain until is sneaks out to say a not so pleasant “hello.”

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I thought I would share with you a portion of an article from the DBSAlliance. This organization is quite renowned in the research of Depression and Bipolar. Their articles are interesting and easy to read and you will be able to empower yourself with knowledge which is so important in managing your illness.

Click on this link for the complete article:

What is rapid cycling?

Rapid cycling is defined as four or more manic, hypomanic, or depressive episodes in any 12-month period. With rapid cycling, mood swings can quickly go from low to high and back again, and occur over periods of a few days and sometimes even hours. The person feels like he or she is on a roller coaster, with mood and energy changes that are out-of control and disabling. In some individuals, rapid cycling is characterized by severe irritability, anger, impulsivity, and uncontrollable outbursts. While the term “rapid cycling” may make it sound as if the episodes occur in regular cycles, episodes actually often follow a random pattern. Some patients with rapid cycling appear to experience true manic, mild manic, or depressive episodes that last only for a day. If there are four mood episodes within a month, it is called ultra-rapid cycling, and when several mood switches occur within a day, on several days during one week, it is called ultra-ultra-rapid, or ultradian cycling. Typically, however, someone who experiences such short mood swings has longer episodes as well. Some individuals experience rapid cycling at the beginning of their illness, but for the majority, rapid cycling begins gradually. Most individuals with bipolar disorder, in fact, experience shorter and more frequent episodes over time if their illness is not adequately treated. For most people, rapid cycling is a temporary occurrence. They may experience rapid cycling for a time, then return to a pattern of longer, less frequent episodes, or, in the best case, return to a stabilized mood with the help of treatment. A small number of individuals continue in a rapid cycling pattern indefinitely.

Yes, I can relate!!!

In the early years of my illness, I learned that I suffered from ultradian cycling. If I ever look back at my mood charts I used to keep I could see how erratic my moods were in any given day, even any given hour. My brain was sooooooo incredibly all over the place and I wished I could shake myself out of it (there were times I would literally hit my head with my hand trying to “come to”).  The more I learned about rapid cycling, the less severe my episodes were. I know medication and therapy helped as well.

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So why am I writing about this today? Well, I realize that I think I may be going through a dose of rapid cycling….not the fast highs and lows as before, but definitely something is up. For one, I can’t focus on ANYTHING!!!! I have started puzzles and stitchery and books and tv shows and on and on…. I am happy one morning when I wake up and just pissed off by night-time. I just can’t…I don’t know….stay level!  Can anyone feel this way? Of course!! It’s not something that only people with bipolar have, it is just much more pronounced and common with this mental illness. Also, I know that part of my up and down has to do with my physical heath and lack of mobility. I am not living my life as I normally do which can definitely make things a bit wonky. I can just “feel that feel” like the old days but you know what????

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I NOTICED IT!!! As soon as I realized what has been going on in my mind besides my physical health, I started to feel a little better. Does the rapid cycling immediately stop? Of course not, but I can work towards feeling better. I have to remember that this cycle WILL go away. I always think of how ocean waves hit the beach and then retreat, that my moods and cycles are similar. I have to be gentle with myself – that’s a tough one for me. I need to continue taking my medication as prescribed. I also know that if I feel I need to, I will visit or call my therapist.  I will be ok, I know I will…this is is mild if I think back to past years . I am thankful that I am so much healthier now.

Do you suffer from rapid cycling?  How do you work through these spells? I would love to know your ideas

Jenny

Pet Peeves…..UGH!!!!

Pet Peeves…..UGH!!!!

Oh my goodness, pet peeves!!!  I think some days my irritations are much more than others. I don’t know if that is because of the weather, my sleep the night before, my illness. I would say all of those combined.  Anyway, pet peeves truly are annoyingly frustrating!!

Are you sound sensitive? If you are you know exactly where I am coming from. There are sounds during the day that drive me cuckoo!  At work if someone is quietly tapping their foot it aggravates the hell out of me. If a clock is ticking I want to take the batteries out. Commotion noise is awful as well. Hahahaha just thinking about it is not a good thing!!

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There is another noise out in this world that is awful. I won’t describe it but suffice it to say I get immediate flashbacks to my abuse as young girl. 40 years later I cannot “undo” this sound-memory from my life. It is actually a PTSD type reaction. Anger and sickness is what I usually feel from this. Maybe someday I will be able trash this sound as a pet peeve.

Ok chalk – yes CHALK. I CAN’T HANDLE IT!!  How it looks, how it sounds, its smell, on and on and on!  I really don’t know how I got this weirdness about chalk but it sure is strong. Even thinking about I get the shivers!!!! Let’s not think about it.

Did you know there are lists for pet peeves?  Huffington Post has a list of 76!! I decided not to look at it because I didn’t want to add to my own personal list!!

I’m sure I have more pet peeves, but I don’t really want to think about them. This is part of managing my mental health that I need aware of: understand that I have pet peeves and irritations, but not necessarily get wrapped up in how they affect me.

Share with me some of your irritations – if you dare!!!

Jenny

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Who me? Frustrated? Annoyed?

Who me? Frustrated? Annoyed?

Do you ever have that little thing that just annoys the sh!t out of you? Something you plan for and then things totally get messed up? Well that was my afternoon and I’m still feeling grumpy!!!

If you have read any of my first few blog posts, you will know that I am recovering from 2 surgeries that have left me pretty laid up and not able to walk hardly at all. My brother came up to see me this weekend which was great! We had a lot of nice times to chat and he also took my boys to see Star Wars which they all loved (and yes, I was a little envious!!) Anyway, I woke up this morning after another restless night’s sleep and felt discouraged, tired (exhausted more like), and just wanted to look forward to a good afternoon football game. I felt I was not the greatest company to my brother this morning, and he said that I wasn’t supposed to entertain him!! But I still felt rather poopy. I hoped that watching the game cheering would help my frame of mind.

So…the football game… I love NFL football. I am not a diehard fan to all the teams and stats, etc, but I AM a diehard 49ers fan. I remember being a little girl and my mom and I cheering Montana, Clark, Rice and everyone else to many victories. No, I know they aren’t doing very well this year, but a fan, I will always be.

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Where I live, I get all of the 49ers games, always. Or so I thought. I know I am rambling about this, but I was soooooo upset 1:25pm arrived and there was a different game on!!! What the hell? How could they do this??? To Me? (Well, ok that is a little dramatic!!) But it made me so angry and frustrated and like I was 2 years old not getting what I wanted.
I know, it’s only a football game, but it was that little thing that just annoyed me to no end. Since I am fairly immobile these days I look forward to a little thing such a game.

Alas, I went to my room to pout, to try and sleep, only to hear my 18 year old son being pissed off at the world because his new tv wasn’t working, to hearing my cat incessantly scratch on my door to get fed…hmmmm I think something is in the air around here!!!

So I guess that is enough of my grousing. It looks like it is the 4th qtr and the niners are ahead!!! Good for them and I am cheering in my mind.
Share with me some little frustration that tackled your mind today. Luckily, the annoying feelings go away, but they sure aren’t fun when we are in the midst of them

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