Tag: #anxiety

Eeek!! I have to travel!

Eeek!! I have to travel!

I just found out that I have to travel for work. Not until March, but I just love to get anxious about it welllllll in advance! I am going to a meeting in which I am flying and staying for two nights.  The reservations are all made.

I must say that I am proud of myself for one thing. I found out that there is another coworker going and she told me that she was flying out at 6:00 in the morning to be at  9:00am meeting!!! It is doable, but not for me. And not because of my physical health, but for my mental health. I have to take a bunch of medication at night and I am still so groggy in the morning that the thought of an hour’s drive to the airport (which would mean waking up around 3:00am), checking in, flying, getting a taxi and racing to a meeting sounds basically impossible for me. I discussed with my boss the fact that an early flight would not work for me for health reasons, and she was perfectly fine. She said to book my flight the day before and get a room for an extra night. Success! I do have to say that my boss is somewhat aware of my mental health issues, but I didn’t have to go into any detail, as I shouldn’t have to.  Having to “hide” our mental illness from our employers can be so very difficult and can amplify symptoms, I am thankful that I work somewhere that is understanding.

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Back to my anxiety. I am ok with flying, I actually kind of enjoy it. What gets me is the whole checking in at the airport, the hotel, the meeting…having to interact with people and getting settled.  I have done this before so I know I will be ok, but I just get stuck with nervousness that is well- – anxiety ridden!!!! Probably the worst part is the meeting. I can’t stand “networking” with people, I really can’t handle having to stand around chit chatting with people. Most of the time I try and find a place off to the side where I can go stand up or go for a breather if I need to. I have no idea how many people will be at this 2-day meeting or what to expect so that adds to the stress. The coworker that I am meeting there is so very nice, but I think she has worse anxiety than I do!!!!! I don’t know if that will help me or not!

Alas, I will try to keep it out of my mind. I do have almost 2 months to worry about it!!  Anticipatory Anxiety sucks!!! A brief definition from AnxietyUK helps with understanding this: “Anticipatory anxiety is where a person experiences increased levels of anxiety by thinking about an event or situation in the future. Rather than being a specific disorder in its own right, anticipatory anxiety is a symptom commonly found in a number of anxiety related conditions, such as generalised anxiety.” For a more indepth article with some hints (that I need to remember!), click here.

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How are you with traveling? Is it worse if it’s for work, or maybe personal? Do you have anticipatory anxiety? Would love to hear your thoughts and until March..I wil TRY not to be anxious about this trip!!

Take Care

Jenny

unsplash-logoTom Barrett

unsplash-logoFabian Møller

unsplash-logoMatthew Smith

Anxiety, Panic and Vertigo

Anxiety, Panic and Vertigo

Hello! Thanks for stopping by. I want to say right off how much I appreciate my followers and readers. I enjoy writing my blogs, and it really means a lot to me that you continue to read. And to new readers, WELCOME! Enjoy today’s topic and check out some of my previous blogs.

It’s funny how my topics seem to just pop into my mind at times. Today, I was watching the news (oh dear, should I really do that?!?!), and was watching 3 people stand at a podium, 1 in the middle and 2 on either side. I immediately thought, “How can those people stand up there without anything to hold on to? Don’t they feel like they are going to topple over because they are dizzy?  I know I would!” I am always a bit envious of people who can stand up in front of people to speak, or literally, just to stand!

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Approximately 28 years ago (I am now 51), I was living as a single young woman, working as a secretary in a healthcare consortium and life was good, I lived on my own with my cats and all in all couldn’t complain about life. One day I was sitting at my desk when a HUGE bout of dizziness (vertigo) just bowled me over in my seat. I didn’t know what was happening and I felt terrible!! My coworkers had me lay down, got me some water and after about a half hour I felt fine. Little did I know this was the first noticeable onset symptom of mental illness. I had my brain scanned, visited various sorts of doctors with no luck. These episodes of vertigo would just hit me without notice and I couldn’t determine a pattern and it was very upsetting living with the unknown. It wasn’t until TWO years later that my brother’s girlfriend witnessed what was happening and she said it was a panic attack. WHAT? NO, that’s not me, I’m just dizzy!

Well, she was right!!

It took a couple of years trying to get better on my own (25 years ago you just didn’t talk about mental illness like you can now…We still live in stigma, but it’s getting better). Long story short I went to see a psychiatrist. Wow, I felt REALLY crazy!!! I didn’t like him at all but he prescribed me an antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication. Thankfully, it helped and the horrid feelings of vertigo and loss of self became a bit easier to live with.

My life and my mental illness have traveled quite the journey over these past 25 years. If you have lived with mental illness for a long period of time, you know that it can be a challenging journey. If you are newly diagnosed, you will learn your own journey and with the right kind of help, you WILL be able to manage.

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So, despite all of this, guess what? I STILL HAVE VERTIGO!!! I will not stand in front of a group of people, nor do I like even standing in say a small group of people. My mind gets a bit stressed and I feel like I could just teeter-totter with vertigo and fall on the ground.  I imagine this is a long term effect of my anxiety. I rarely have full-blown panic attacks anymore, but anxiety seems to live with me and reminds me from time to time that he can cause me real problems (anxiety has to be a “he” in my mind!!).

How does anxiety or panic manifest within you?  I would love to have you share some tips on you manage  your anxiety.

Take Care

Jenny

Indira Active

Do you hear what I hear??

Do you hear what I hear??

So I am sitting here at my computer (well a laptop that my work brought me), and realized that it doesn’t have MS Office on it. I started the download and oh my goodness I saw that this was going to take a long time!!!

Rather then jumping up and doing chores around the house (well, let’s be honest I can’t even jump or do much right now, but I did take down my Christmas decor), I decided to do an exercise in mindfulness. I used my sense of hearing and decided to work towards blocking out everything else except what I could hear. I did have to pause a couple of times to write out what I was hearing so I could share it with you, but as the time passed I focused more and more on my practice in mindfulness.

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I took time to NOTICE:

1. Little bubbles popping in soda can like little tiny fairies dancing inside.

2. The long sigh of my dog, as if he finally fell deep into sleep.

3. A car driving by – a bit too fast – more annoying than reminding me of anything special.

4. The tap tap on my keyboard as I write this so I don’t forget when I share you. For some reason I enjoy the sounds of a “clicky” keyboard; especially when I am typing with very quickly.

5.The computer makes a soft whirring sound, keeping technology doing what it’s supposed to do.

6. A small creak in the house followed by another and then another….it sounds like the house is trying to rest and cannot get comfortable. I know how that feels.

I come back later to write this and I realized as I engaged in this lesson my breathing became deeper and slower; my busy brain slowed down to just the task at hand….it was quite wonderful the calm I felt:

7.The crack of my shoulder – nothing painful, just a shoulder reminding me that yes, I am 51 years old.

8. A dog barking way off in the distance; I wonder what he is hearing?

9. A jetliner overhead – funny how loud it sounds when one is being mindful of only sounds.

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As I opened my eyes and began to bring the rest of my senses back to my Self, I noticed again, that I felt calmer and with introspection.  I looked at the computer and saw that my program was still installing, so here I am , writing my experience to share with you. I hope you all can take a time to practice Being within one sense (sight, hearing taste, touch, smell). Try to let that one sense be in charge and let the others slip away, if only for a moment. Notice how you feel. You may be surprised at the calming effect this practice can be.

Share with your mindfulness skill or questions. Let’s practice and share our ideas.

Jenny

It’s ok, take a peek!!

It’s ok, take a peek!!

Day 8 – hooray I have made it a over a week and I am quite enjoying writing these blogs. When I saw my therapist on Thursday he commented that writing is always a positive activity for me. I don’t always write about cheerful things, but the process of sitting down and getting my thoughts on “paper” is good for me. So for today we are taking a look into my purse. At first I thought it kind a silly challenge questions, but the more I work on this, the more I am enjoying the process.

Yes I have always used a purse. Even when I was in college with a backpack I would have a small purse stuffed inside. Having mobility issues over the past few years has changed my purse style. I love having a pretty bag slung over my shoulder  (and also necessary when carrying my kids when they were little.) Due to having to use a cane it makes the whole sling over look harder. Who would have thought?! Something that I can hold on to the straps and not worry about them sliding all over is a necessity.  I also don’t spend a lot of money on my handbag. Thrift stores have some great finds or I check out Target or Walmart or sometimes Burlington Coat Factory if I feel like splurging. I also use one bag at a time. I know some women change out purses to go with their outfits but I just stick with the one.

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Here is my current purse. I have not had it for too long so I still really like it.  It has lots of nice pockets and not too big as to lose everything in the bottom. I tend to keep my purse fairly tidy, so really what I am showing you is about what I found when I started (except a few gum wrappers!) The green ribbon on the front is to support mental illness. I went to a state NAMI conference and they gave us these pins. It really does mean a lot to me.

When I cam to figuring out how to show you the contents of my purse I really had fun with this. I thought of doing a small video, but decided this was more in my comfort zone.

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I’ll give you a little tour of what’s here and why:

  1. My eyeglasses case and reading glasses. My son laughs because I have so many dollar store glasses around the house, but in my purse I have just the one pair. Usually.
  2. This is my holder for my business cards. In this day and age of the internet and email and social media, we don’t hand out cards too often, but I have a few and this little container is so pretty. I think I got it on Amazon.
  3. These are the two kinds of pills I usually keep with me. Ibuprofen I have on hand for aches and pains and the prescription is for lorazepam. I feel so good that I rarely have to take the lorazepam anymore. During my really hard years of my mental illnesses I had sooooo much anxiety that having these anti-anxiety meds were very important. I still keep them in my purse because every now and again I find myself in a situation where my anxiety level starts to skyrocket and I know that it is aok to have this medication handy.
  4. Ahhhh my favorite gum!!!! Wrigley’s 5 gum in peppermint is the best gum ever!!! Well at least in my opinion. It lasts longer than any other gum and the flavor is awesome!
  5. Just a couple of pens, nothing special. But why is it when I really need a pen I can’t find one in my purse?!
  6. This is my little elephant. I am surprised I have never named him because he has sure been a lifesaver. I think I bought him about 10 years ago and he is a great little critter to hold onto when I am stressed and having anxiety. I can pull him out in a meeting or classroom or any time I am anxious and I can smush him all around in my hands going rather unnoticed.  I really should name him. Any thoughts?
  7. I like to have a little hand cream in my purse. This Neutrogena is good if you have parched hands. It is a little to thick for my liking but the size is perfect. I’ll have to find something new when this one runs out.
  8. My wallet – I LOVE my wallet!! I bought it at the same time as my purse (at Walmart). It has all of the perfect slots and pockets needed for all my cards and bills. It’s funny how incredibly particular I am about my wallet.
  9. Keys – work, house, car, mailbox. They are easy to find with that blue and white key ring and its pretty as well.
  10. These are a selection of lipsticks and a mascara that I have in my purse right now:
    1. Arbonne Orchid
    2. Avon ‘Totally Twig’
    3. Maybelline Super Stay matte ink ‘Dreamer’
    4. Ulta Auto Lip Liner ‘Spice’
    5. Avon ‘Toasted Rose’
    6. Revlon ‘HD Desert’
    7. Avon True Color Wide Awake Mascara
    8. The little round container is an olive oil lip balm from Davis Farmers Market   Davis is where I grew up so I always have a special fondness when I use this creamy balm.
  11. Coins – yes not that exciting except when you have A LOT of them! I never put my coins in the coin section of my wallet. I let them drop to the bottom of my purse. When I clean things out I add those coins to a jar and watch the money grow.
  12. My sunglasses. I can’t go without them but just as with my readers and my purse and wallet, I don’t spend a lot of money on my sunglasses. I swear when I have spent a little more than normal, I lose them! Ugh!! So I stay with the cheapies.

Well there you have it – the contents of my purse. Like I said I really did enjoy this exercise and I hope you enjoyed taking a peek and maybe getting some ideas for your purse organization.

Jenny