There are times in our lives when something that is good for us can piss us off. Well, I tend to go through periods of times when I am just angry that I have to take all of these pills. Can some of you relate with that? I suppose this feeling can happen to people with all kinds of ailments, but for me, it is because of mental illness that I take pills and there are days or weeks when it just irritates me that I have to take them.
I have been taking medication for mental illness for over 25 years. In the beginning it was “simple” antidepressant and anti anxiety meds. I didn’t like it then but I knew it helped. Just as I know what I take at this moment in my life helps now. But at times, I resent it…why do I have to take all of this to be “normal?” But I won’t quit taking them, I know better than that….I know that is not the path to take.
If you have walked down a similar road as I have with Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder, you know that psychiatric med are almost a must. And it is hard to get the perfect pill or combination of pills to feel ok. Finding that combination can be challenging. Trying this med or that med, suffering the side effects, waiting the 6 weeks to see if it works, it is quite a journey, but eventually it does work. If you are newly diagnosed and reading this, please try not to feel discouraged. Medication and mental health is a process and my advice is to have a physician that you trust and for you to RESEARCH the medications you are attempting so you can feel more empowered with knowledge of what is going into your body. You will figure it out, it just may take time.
So why am I resentful? I guess it is just the feeling of being irritated that I am not normal without them. I hear the comment of “it’s like having diabetes – people need to take their medication to stay healthy just like you.” If you haven’t heard that comment before, you most likely will. Well, I don’t have diabetes! I don’t have other conditions that I have to take meds for and I AM thankful for that. But I think it’s because it’s my BRAIN and feeling like who I am is surrounded by a handful of pills everyday.
Does that make sense at all?
I suppose I am just wanting to get this off my chest for today, for this moment. I HIGHLY ENCOURAGE you to stay on the medications you are prescribed. I know I do even when I am feeling a bit perturbed by taking them. I know that stopping my meds could mean real disaster and most likely another trip to the psychiatric hospital. I don’t need that in my life. I am pleased to say that it has been at least 5 years since my last hospitalization. Hmmmmmm, I think these pills are doing the trick!!
Do any you ever feel like I do? Does your frustration with your meds take front and center? Again, if you are newly diagnosed PLEASE know that you will probably go through similar feelings about what you are taking, but also know HOW IMPORTANT it is for you, for your well-being to take the right medication for your medical condition.
I would love to hear your comments on this medication topic.
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